I'm sad.

I cried tonight. I sobbed and I wailed and I flailed my limbs and I (literally!) gnashed my teeth. I thrashed around and howled until I nearly hyperventilated, just like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. This was over an apartment.

But it was such a beautiful apartment! It was only $1800 in a great location in Pacific Heights with parking included and a view of some gorgeous painted ladies and it had hardwood floors and a backyard and a huge, amazing walk-in closet and a beautiful kitchen and a beautiful bathroom and bay windows with screens and blinds and the most incredible art deco architectural details ever. And we were the first ones at the open house and the first ones to apply and we didn't get it because the landlord said that our application was great but he rented it to the person whose application was at the top of the pile, which means the last person to apply! And even though I tried so hard not to get my hopes up, I had already furnished and arranged and decorated the entire apartment in my imagination. Oh and we also lost the second best apartment we have seen so far because we couldn't commit to it until we heard about the first apartment.

And as I was working myself into hysterics over how unfair it all is and how frustrated and helpless I felt and all the wonderful possibilities vanishing into the ether, one needling thought crept into the back of my mind. "If McCain wins the election," I couldn't help but muse, "I will feel just like this, but it will be so, so, so much worse." And then I thought, "Why do you have to be so dramatic? Do you like being miserable?" And then I thought, "'Gossip Girl' and 'The Hills' better be fucking awesome tonight." And the interesting part is that I could not stop crying the entire time I was thinking all these things. And no, I'm not even PMSing. I just really, really wanted that apartment.